Posts Tagged ‘how high’

77 Ways To Know That You Are Way Too Stoned

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We’ve all been there. You smoke and you realize at some point that you got way higher than you thought you would or it creeps up on you and hits you all at once. Then you are past the point of no return. You instantly turn into a vegetable that will only move to get food or to make your way to your bed.  You still feel lovely though.

It happens to the best of us.  Here are 77 ways that I (or my friends) have experienced that let us know that we may have had too much that evening.

You know you are way too stoned when….

 

  1. You can’t hit your bowl cause it’s clogged with resin
  2. You light your cigarette the wrong way
  3. When you realize that the song you thought you were listening to ended ten minutes ago
  4. When you decide to found your own religion entirely based on the eating of Doritos
  5. You are tired of talking midway through a sentence
  6. Your bags are empty and you don’t know why
  7. When you find yourself at McDonald’s with no money because you spent it on weed
  8. When you say a joke to someone who originally said that same joke to you
  9. When you talk to your cat and get angry because it’s not replying
  10. When you talk to your cat and it actually is replyingstoned_545x408shkl
  11. If you play through just one level of a video game, then look over and find the clock has somehow skipped five hours
  12. When you cough up a lugie and it tastes like bong water
  13. When you stare at a TV that’s not even turned on because you don’t feel like turning it on
  14. You put your lighter in your mouth and try to light it with your bowl. (true story)
  15. When you put sentences together like George Bush
  16. When your friend tells you to roll another blunt, and half an hour later you wonder why no one’s smoking
  17. When you go to Wendy’s and pass out with your face in your french fries
  18. When you decide its a good idea to moon a police officer
  19. When everything is just a little too funny
  20. When walking to your kitchen seems like an epic journey
  21. When you start to do one thing, get distracted by another and never even remember that you started the original thing
  22. When you wake up still high and rush to work only to realize that this is your day off
  23. When you fall asleep 5 minutes after starting a moviesleep_545x377shkl
  24. When you stop at a stop sign and wait for it to turn green
  25. When you load a bowl without dumping the ash out of the last one, you cant pull a hit, and fuck up a bowl of good weed having to dump out a half burning bowl and watch it crumble into black powder
  26. You spend 30 minutes searching for something and then realize that it was in your hand all along
  27. You pour anything but milk into your cereal
  28. Someone says hi to you and you reply 45 minutes later because you just realize what they said
  29. You drive 40mph on the highway
  30. You drive 10mph on the street
  31. When you get excited because you beat your dog in a staring contest
  32. When you call to order a pizza, wait 2 hours and realize that you never actually ordered it
  33. When it takes you 10 minutes to figure out how to operate a seat belt
  34. When you go grocery shopping and the only thing you buy is pop rocks, nerds, and every single wonka candy you findc_545x398shkl
  35. When you just can’t stop coughing
  36. When you forget to put water in the bong
  37. When your bong is taller than your dog
  38. It takes you 25 minutes to roll a joint
  39. When the Taco Bell employees know you by name
  40. You’re eating something on your way home thinking about what you’re gonna eat when you get home
  41. When you start stealing friends lighters
  42. when you try to leave the house but had to go back in 6 times to individually retrieve your wallet, cell phone, lighter, keys, drink, and hat that you remembered to bring, one at a time
  43. You call burger king and ask if they deliver
  44. When you try to figure out ways to smoke the roaches
  45. When you misplace a 3 foot bong, that you just used
  46. When you don’t have anything to drink so you drink the juice from a can of fruit
  47. When you think everyone thinks you’re really stoned
  48. When you look like this….hearts18stoned_545x727shkl
  49. When you “accidentally” kiss your girlfriends sister thinking it was her
  50. You are out of weed so you try chewing on sticks and seeds
  51. Spend an hour trying to find a specific DVD only to realize you left it in the DVD player
  52. When you enjoy not being able to move
  53. When you’ve lost your lighter, again
  54. When you start a sentence and then half way through you forget what you were going to say
  55. When you swear you see police cars behind you and you haven’t even started the car yet
  56. When you forget where you put the rest of the weed or the dutch
  57. When you read a blog post and can’t even make it to number 57 in it without getting distracted by the fridge
  58. When you get lost in your own house
  59. When you have a baggie but no papers so you roll a joint with a page from the phone book
  60. When almost any song sounds good to you
  61. When you’ll eat just about anything4-guinea-pig_545x409shkl
  62. When you change your order at a drive thru like three times and end up with everything you asked for
  63. When you can’t say “Say No To Drugs” without laughing hysterically
  64. When you spend 4 hours walking 3 big circles around town just to find a good place to smoke more
  65. When you forget what you were watching during the commercial break
  66. You are late and stoned to everywhere you go
  67. When you watch your favorite TV show on mute while you listen to your iPod
  68. When you and your friends keep playing a crappy video game because no one feels like switching it
  69. When you wake up at 6………………………….. PM
  70. When you roll up a blunt, forget about it, and then find it a few days later and wonder where it came from
  71. When you cook after getting the munchies and you forget about your find and don’t find it until tomorrow
  72. When you get a board game and you are too lazy to read the directions so you make up your own rules
  73. When You Wait For 4:20 to hit..And its 4:29 before you realized you were sopposed to smoke 9 minutes ago..
  74. You accidentally light your hair on fire instead of the blunthair-on-fire_545x409shkl
  75. When you are at Jack in the Box and you don’t even remember how you got there
  76. You have or know someone who has done more than 20 things on this list
  77. You browse our blog every day, you’re our friend on facebook, you follow us on twitter, and you stop in daily to pick up bud & say hi to all of your favorite budtenders: Tino, Chelsea, Daniel, Rebecca and Jaclyn!

Hope everyone has a safe weekend! Stay safe & don’t forget to keep checking back for menu updates & new posts!

Newest Stoner Comedies

Within the last decade a new crop of stoner comedies has crept up on the bleary-eyed souls that love them.  The 80′s and 90′s saw a workable format for the marijuana movie, but in the new millennium stoner comedy’s have reinvented the usual buddy oeuvre. Rather than rely only on slapstick and friends, little adjustments have been added. Plus, we add to the original post from splitsider to make it more indicative of all the great stoner movies that have come out in the last ten years.  We’ve already done the original canon of stoner movies, now lets look at the new class.

Here are the additions Splitsider thought warranted inclusion:

How High is about a pair of friends (always a pair in these movies), that smoke herb made from a friend’s ashes and somehow acquire the super intellect to ace their exams and get accepted at Harvard. It’s the quintessential stoner plot, and Redman and Meth give it the cache to be important enough for all suburban white kids to love. Tons of “white dudes are lame” jokes to laugh at.

Kevin Smith’s Silent Bob combined with Jason Mewes finally get a movie of their own with Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back. Of course they’re gonna toke up. They were riffing off the stoner culture dealing herb outside the Kwik-E-Mart in Clerks. This is important to stoner movies simply because they finally got to headline one of Smith’s movies. It even did pretty well, but some of the jokes are “meh.” Everyone sorta wishes it had been better.

Harold and Kumar Go to White Castle continues the stoner trope laid down by previous stoner scripts, but this tweaks it enough with Indian Kumar and Asian Harold, so the ethnic jokes are more risque and poke fun at the stereotypes people associate with Indian and Asian people. Also, they have the requisite boobs with Malin Ackerman (she of Watchmen fame), and cameos, with the hysterical Neil Patrick Harris on an ecstasy and lady splurge that basically invented the Barney character he plays on How I Met Your Mother.

Grandma’s Boy is about a video game tester that has to move in with his grandma and two geriatric roommates. You can probably fill in the rest on your own. Needless to say the realism in this one is off the charts.

Is Pineapple Express an action movie disguised as a stoner comedy or a stoner comedy disguised as an action movie? We’ll never really know, but we will enjoy the comedic stylings of (get another degree whydontcha) James Franco and Seth Rogen. Franco can play stoner better than we thought, even though he doesn’t indulge (see Freaks and Geeks for more evidence)

Here are some older movies we think warrant inclusion

Detroit Rock City was ostensibly about a bunch of kids obsessed with Kiss, but it really spoke to the inner 70′s teenager that just wanted to get laid and smoke a ton of herb (some things don’t change).

Outside Providence was slept on by a lot of people when it came out, but it’s got Alex Baldwin as the perfect New England patriarch, and Amy Smart as the lady in question for protagonist Shawn Hatosy to “clean up” for. It’s rife with Animal House style corrupt school administrators and shows the viewer that pot smokers might be more noble than usually thought.

Saving Grace is sorta like Showtime’s Weeds, but the protagonist isn’t a self-absorbed mother who continues to make the same mistakes. This is one of my favorite movies, which is weird since it’s about a bunch of septuagenarians and one lady that sells pot after her husband dies and she faces financial ruin. Basically what I said about Weeds, but its got Craig Ferguson at his witty Brit best.

Smiley Face is a simple film about a woman that unknowingly eats some pot brownies and hi-jinks ensue. The only reason it made this list is because it stars the lovely and talented Anna Farris in a role normally reserved for some white actor that got a director’s kid out of a tight jam with some cocaine in their local Hollywood high school.  Maybe I’m being cynical and my feminist mom is speaking through me, but the recent New Yorker piece on Farris says a lot.

Happy 73rd Birthday to Stoner Comedian Tommy Chong

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Photo: Rolled Too Tight

Tommy Chong is a legend among stoners. The Canadian-American comedian, actor and musician, well known for his stereotypical portrayals of hippie-era pot smokers, turns 73 years old today. He was born May 24, 1938 in Edmonton, Alberta.

Chong is most widely known for his involvement in the Cheech & Chong comedy duo, which recorded a series of albums and then filmed a series of movies centered around marijuana-related humor. He also became well known for playing the hippie character “Leo” on Fox’s That 70s Show.
In 2003, Chong — as a highly visible and successful symbol of the stoner lifestyle — was targeted by two American investigations code-named Operation Pipe Dreams and Operation Headhunter. He was charged for his part in financing and promoting Chong Glass/Nice Dreams, a company started by his son Paris.

Chong’s case never went to trial; instead he accepted a plea agreement with the office of the U.S. Attorney for Western Pennsylvania, in which he admitted to distributing 7,500 bongs and water pipes on the Internet.  He agreed to the guilty plea in exchange for non-prosecution of his wife, Shelby, and his son.
He was sentenced to nine months in prison, a fine of $20,000, forfeiture of $103,514, and the loss of all merchandise seized in the raid on his business. He served his sentence at the Taft Correctional Institution, being released on July 7, 2004.
The entire episode was chronicled in the award-winning 2006 documentary film a/k/a Tommy ChongHe wrote about his experiences in prison and his interest in meditation in his 2006 book, The I Chong: Meditations From The Joint.
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Photo: Paramount Home Entertainment
Cheech (right) and Chong in their classic first movie from 1978, “Up In Smoke”
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Photo: Movie Eye
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Photo: Movie Eye
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Photo: Gloobts
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Photo: Danger Jones
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Photo: listal

8 Reasons Why Cheech & Chong Are Legendary

Cheech & Chong are one of the most famous comedy duos in history. At their peak in the 1970s, they represented the mainstream embodiment of the attitudes and lifestyles of the underground drug culture. Much like W.C. Fields shot to fame by making alcohol the focus of his act, the duo of Richard “Cheech” Marin and Tommy Chong emerged from a cloud of pot smoke, simultaneously lauding and lampooning the stoner community that became the team’s most ardent supporters. It was a tried and true recipe for success that still proves popular—as presently evidenced by the comedic action series Project 420, where being a pothead is all part of a day’s work for three CIA narcotic research scientists. While Cheech & Chong were derided by critics and dismissed by the general populace, the team’s stature as counterculture heroes was, and remains, unquestioned. For both aging hippies and dazed-and-confused teens, their comedy defined an era. And now, nearly half a century after they first hit the stage together, their live performances, comedy albums and movies continue to entertain a new generation. They are legends, and here are eight reasons why:

1. Cheech & Chong are better than boobies

After entering show business as a guitarist in a rock band, Tommy Chong (who also operated his inherited family business: a topless bar) established City Works in Toronto, a wild improvisational troupe later joined by Richard “Cheech” Marin, who had just moved to Canada from California. When City Works dissolved, Cheech & Chong continued as a duo, performing at Chong’s club, which (as I mentioned) featured topless dancers.

Prior to the comedy club boom of the early ‘80’s, it was not uncommon for comedians to perform in strip clubs (that’s also how Jay Leno got his start). Of course, with big beautiful breasts bouncing all about, it was much more difficult for a comic to captivate the audience. I mean, c’mon, we’re talking fun-bags here, folks. So, when a comedian could distract a crowd’s attention away from the ladies, it was pretty clear they were funny. Cheech & Chong had no problem stealing the spotlight from the headlights. Whenever they took the stage, boobs took a backseat to their outrageous bits.

2. “Dave’s not here.”

Aside from their live performances and movies, Cheech & Chong albums were part of what made the two men great in the eyes of their fans. Basically, the albums were recordings of live stand up routines, jokes, and skits. The albums still continue to be a huge part of what make them great.

On their self-titled debut album, the sketch “Waiting for Dave” is perhaps their most famous and is largely responsible for helping garner their widespread popularity. The outrageous, circular routine (owing a debt to comedians Bob & Ray) was actually ad-libbed by Chong, which confused and angered Cheech, thus making the performance all the more memorable because of it’s uproarious (and little-known) authenticity.

3. Big Bambu included a REALLY Big Bambu

Following the success of their self-titled debut recording, Cheech & Chong released a number of other wildly successful albums, including Wedding Album, Sleeping Beauty, and Greatest Hits; but it was their second, Big Bambu, that is their most famous (it reached #2 on the Billboard charts).

Named after a brand of rolling papers, the album’s immense popularity wasn’t so much due to the record itself, but because the original packaging included a GIANT rolling paper – perfect for rolling a GIANT joint. Not surprisingly, today, the original album is considered a valuable collector’s item.

4. Cheech & Chong introduced the world to Pee-wee Herman

Formed in Los Angeles in 1974, The Groundlings is a legendary improv troupe that has produced countless stars such as Will Ferrell, Jimmy Fallon, Kathy Griffin, Lisa Kudrow, Jon Lovitz, Conan O’Brien, Phil Hartman and Paul Reubens, to name just a few. Aware of The Groundlings’ impressive stable of highly-skilled, up-and-coming comedic talent, Cheech and Chong utilized many of the group’s members in the cast of their first three movies – subtly getting them to write much of the script while only paying them and giving them screen credit for acting duties. So excited to simply be in a movie, the comedians from the Groundlings were naively accepting of this double duty for paltry compensation. And it was a good thing they did, too, because it gave the world its first on-screen glimpse of Paul Reubens as Pee-wee Herman in 1980’s Cheech & Chong’s Next Movie. (Personally, I prefer Reubens’ turn as the guy snorting booger sugar with Chong under a restaurant table in 1981’s Cheech & Chong’s Nice Dreams.)

5. Cheech & Chong got stoned with Arnold Schwarzenegger

Tommy Chong wasn’t just consumed with reefer madness, he was also addicted to weightlifting. Cheech & Chong’s second movie, Nice Dreams, even features a scene where he and Cheech (also an avid weightlifter) deliver weed to bodybuilders at Power Source Gym in Burbank, California. And in real life, the pair really did pump iron and puff pot with numerous professional bodybuilders, including legendary body sculptor/actor/politician Arnold Schwarzenegger. That’s right. The Governator loved the green, as evidenced by his celebratory “smoke” in the locker room following his unprecedented and god-like 6th-straight Mr. Olympia crown—an act caught on camera that can be seen in the epic film that launched Arnie’s career, Pumping Iron.

6. Cheech & Chong split before the act got stale

As the hedonism of the 1970s gave way to the “just say no” conservatism of the Reagan era, Cheech & Chong found little response to their trademark brand of humor. After 1984′s The Corsican Brothers, their film career ended, and in 1985, they returned to the recording studio for their swan song LP, Get Out of My Room. And with that, they thankfully dissolved their partnership. I say “thankfully” because they could have all too easily been content to tour and rake in the cash by beating a dead horse, but they didn’t. While this hurt their careers for a time, Marin enjoyed a renaissance in the middle of the 1990’s, appearing in the Robert Rodriguez films Desperado and From Dusk Till Dawn as well as a prominent supporting role in Ron Shelton’s romantic comedy Tin Cup that led to a co-starring role opposite Don Johnson in the CBS detective series Nash Bridges. Meanwhile, Chong released a line of “water pipes” (see #8) and returned to the screen, appearing in the movie Half Baked and guest starring on the popular TV program That ‘70s Show.

After settling their differences and feeling the climate was again right for their brand of comedy, the pair reunited and resumed touring in 2008.

7. Tommy Chong went to jail for his “beliefs”

In 2003, Tommy Chong was targeted by two American investigations code-named Operation Pipe Dreams and Operation Headhunter, which sought out businesses selling drug paraphernalia, (mostly bongs). Operation Pipe Dream was run from Pittsburgh. U.S. Attorney for Western Pennsylvania, Mary Beth Buchanan oversaw the case. The estimated cost of Operation Pipe Dream was over $12 million and included the resources of 2,000 law enforcement officers.

Chong was charged for his part in financing and promoting Chong Glass/Nice Dreams, a company started by his son Paris. Chong’s case never went to trial, instead Chong accepted a plea agreement with the United States Attorney for Western Pennsylvania’s Office in which he admitted to distributing 7,500 bongs and water pipes on the Internet through Nice Dreams. Chong agreed to plead guilty to one count of conspiracy to distribute drug paraphernalia in exchange for non-prosecution of his wife, Shelby, and his son, Paris. Chong fully cooperated with the government and was the first of the Operation Pipe Dreams defendants to plead guilty.

At Chong’s sentencing, Assistant U.S. Attorney for Western Pennsylvania, Mary McKeen Houghton stated in her sentencing arguments that Tommy Chong “used his public image to promote this crime” and marketed his products to children. U.S. Attorney Mary Beth Buchanan also was present at the sentencing in Pittsburgh and released a statement to the press stating, “There are consequences for violating the law, even if the violator is a well-known entertainer like Thomas Chong.”

While Chong argued for community service and home detention at his sentencing, the district judge, Arthur J. Schwab, denied his requests and sentenced him to 9 months in federal prison, a fine of $20,000, forfeiture of $103,514, and the loss of all merchandise seized during the raid of his business. Chong served his sentence at the Taft Correctional Institution from October 8, 2003 to July 7, 2004. The entire episode was chronicled in a/k/a Tommy Chong, the 2006, award-winning documentary by Josh Gilbert.

8. Cheech Marin (surprisingly) served as a role model

A third-generation Mexican American, Richard “Cheech” Marin became famous for smoking dope, but he wasn’t one. And even though his Cheech & Chong character was anything but a role model, his overall career served as an early example of success for Latinos in Hollywood.

For his work, Cheech has been recognized on behalf of Latinos by the Imagen Foundation Creative Achievement Award and by the National Council of La Raza and Kraft Foods ALMA Community Service Award. In 2007, he received an honorary Doctorate of Fine Arts for his contributions to the creative arts from Otis College of Art and Design as well as the inaugural Legacy Award for Arts Advocacy from the Smithsonian Latino Center. He currently serves on the boards of the Smithsonian Latino Center and the Hispanic Scholarship Fund, as well as contributing a great deal of time and energy to promoting Chicano art.

Stoner Saturday: High Buddies – Dr. Hydro Video

Top 10 Stoner Movies of All Time

I have been browsing movie websites, and I have come across several ‘top stoner movies of all time’ lists. From High Times to Amazon, it seems that there is a bit of variation. Something can be number 1 on one list, yet number 9 on another. Here is my personal top ten list. I let Ninjasmoker put in his comments to give a different perspective. Post your comments on what your top movies are and why:

1. Half Baked (1998)

Johnny Green: This movie is solid. I will never forget when I got really high and watched Half Baked for the first time. Where can I get a giant sized Abba Zabba?

Ninjasmoker: The first time I watched this movie, I came out of the movie theater and actually felt higher then when I came in.

2. Up in Smoke (1978)

Johnny Green: This movie could have easily been number 1, and probably should be. The hitchhiker scene at the beginning is legendary. ‘I even smoked that tied stick…You know, that stuff that is tied to a stick.’

Ninjasmoker: I watch this movie once a week just to keep it real.

3. Super High Me (2007)

Johnny Green: It’s a documentary about weed, made by a former ‘Stoner of the Year,’ current comedian Doug Benson. It even has a cameo by Marc Emery. I think it will be more revered as time goes on.

Ninjasmoker: Even non smokers like it.

4. Pineapple Express (2008)

Johnny Green: Like Ninjasmoker said when I showed him the list, ‘The cross joint and the term ‘lingerer’’ are a part of everyday vocabulary for stoners across the world thanks to this movie. Is there a Ted Jones in your area??

Ninjasmoker: You know when it is advertised as a “Marijuana Action Movie,” great things will come.

5. Saving Grace (2000)

Johnny Green: This movie is dedicated to weed, and is extremely funny. Some people might hate on this movie because they haven’t seen it, but give it a shot, I guarantee you will laugh.

Ninjasmoker: Johnny has always loved this movie. His will is strong.

6. Grandma’s Boy (2006)

Johnny Green: This movie incorporates weed, video games, comedy, great weed names, and just about everything else a stoner would love.

Ninjasmoker: I still call my bong a smoking lamp.

7. Dazed and Confused (1993)

Johnny Green: ‘You got a joint?…It would be a lot cooler if you did’

Ninjasmoker: I agree!

8. Easy Rider (1969)

Johnny Green: I apologize ahead of time to people that thought that this should be higher on my list. I understand that they smoked real weed in this movie, and I think that is super kick ass. However, I am from the MTV generation, so I don’t have the same cult love for this movie as my baby boomer counterparts. Again, I apologize; feel free to critique these choices.

Ninjasmoker: Good movie, just faded by time.

9. The Big Lebowski (1998)

Johnny Green: Although this movie is really about bowling, The Dude is revered by stoners throughout the world and probably even outer space. All weed smokers love this movie, yet I don’t know any bowlers that like this movie, isn’t that ironic??

Ninjasmoker: This one is questionable but why argue with greatness. Just don’t know if it is top-ten material.

10. Friday (1995)

Johnny Green: The premise of this movie is there is a guy named Worm, who floated some weed to a guy named Smokey, who just so happens to introduce the chronic to Ice Cube. Add to it a killer soundtrack, and you have a recipe for stoner movie success.

Ninjasmoker: This should be higher. It was one of the best of all-time. So quotable.

Honorable Mentions:

The Union, Harold and Kumar Go to White Castle, Harold and Kumar Escape from Guantanamo Bay, How High, Super Troopers, Fast Times at Ridgemont High, The Stoned Age, Bio-Dome, Knocked Up, PCU, Homegrown, Rolling Kansas, Bongwater

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