42 Ways To Tell If Someone May Be A Stoner

Stoner friends are the best. If you have no bud, they might have some and come and blaze with you. You laugh together, cry together, and cough up smoke together. Finding new smoking buddies makes me very excited but you have to be careful trying to find new friends who smoke because afterall, it is illegal and all.

Have you ever been suspicious of a co-worker or friend being a stoner but you weren’t sure? Here are 42.0 ways for you to find out if you potentially have a new smoking buddy or not. These are not all true for every smoker so they won’t always apply but many of them apply to many smokers.

Hopefully no cops are reading this.  If you are a cop, leave my page immediately, but click on some ads before you go.

1. They always have a lighter, but you never see them smoke
2. They always smell like weed
3. You go to their house and hailmaryjane.com is in their browsing history.
4. You see them hop out of this van.
   
5. If you ask them a question, every single response is “what? or “what did you say man?”
6. If you are a stoner yourself, usually you can just tell.  Sort of like a stoner 6th sense.
7. If they are funny and usually calm.
8. Sometimes you see them and their eyes are red as hell and others they aren’t.
9. They are always “tired.”
10. Check the bottom of their lighter. If it has black marks on the bottom of their lighter, you know they been using it to push down bowls / snub out joints.
11. Their lighter has no safety
    
12. If they smoke cigarettes, they hold it between their index and thumb, instead of between their middle find and index.
13. Their DVD collection includes half baked, how high, pineapple express, or any number of the other movies on this list.
14. They are always smiling.
15. They walk, move and/or talk slowly.
16. Half the cardboard has been ripped off their pack of papers
17. They like it big…
    
18. Burnt finger tips
19. Burnt lips aka smokers lip.
20. Their ipod contains songs from this list.
21. They always take a break at work at 4:20 pm.
22. Stoners usually have baggy eyes, whether they are high or not.
23. If you have dreads you are probably a stoner, if you are white and have dreads you are almost certainly a stoner.
24. If they own a long board.  Where do you think they are riding? To go get stoned, duh!
25. They use the term “dank for almost anything.  (Dank food, dank drinks, dank bud, etc.)
26. They wear sun glasses at night
27. They are very good with fractions (1/8ths, 1/4ths, 1/2ths, etc.) and conversions (28.3 g=1 ounce and 16o= 1 pound)
28. If they are wearing a Bob Marley, Kottonmouth Kings, or Cypress Hill tee,
29. They use Rohto eye drops.  Most people will just use visine but all real stoners know that Rohto is king.
30. They are a graduate of Oaksterdam University.
31. They are from California, Amsterdam or Jamaica.  This isn’t a guarantee but I’ll usually put money on people from these places being stoners.
32. You meet them at 3am at 7-11 buying two hot dogs, a bag of doritos, skittles, and a 2 liter bottle of pepsi; while you are buying the same thing.
33. They always got some intellectual shit to say even though its usually irrelevant.
34. Their favorite color is green, or purple.
    
35. They wear clothes made out of hemp.
36. You met them at Ziggy Marley concert.
37. They haven’t shaven in weeks (sometimes, or they might just be grimey)
38. They pull their cigarette like a blunt.
39. They dress like a hippy.
40. Even their pets know how to get it in.
    
41. They can barely make it to the end of a list like this without getting distracted.
42. Ask them.  Most of the time it will be fine as long as you are not asking a cop, a teacher, or your boss.

Shout outs to my friends at grass city.  This post inspired this post from me.  Did I forget anything?  Leave it in the comments people.

77 Ways To Know That You Are Way Too Stoned

We’ve all been there. You smoke and you realize at some point that you got way higher than you thought you would or it creeps up on you and hits you all at once. Then you are past the point of no return. You instantly turn into a vegetable that will only move to get food or to make your way to your bed.  You still feel lovely though.

It happens to the best of us.  Here are 77 ways that I (or my friends) have experienced that let us know that we may have had too much that evening.

You know you are way too stoned when….

 

1. You can’t hit your bowl cause it’s clogged with resin
2. You light your cigarette the wrong way
3. When you realize that the song you thought you were listening to ended ten minutes ago
4. When you decide to found your own religion entirely based on the eating of Doritos
5. You are tired of talking midway through a sentence
6. Your bags are empty and you don’t know why
7. When you find yourself at McDonald’s with no money because you spent it on weed
8. When you say a joke to someone who originally said that same joke to you
9. When you talk to your cat and get angry because it’s not replying
10. When you talk to your cat and it actually is replying
11. If you play through just one level of a video game, then look over and find the clock has somehow skipped five hours
12. When you cough up a lugie and it tastes like bong water
13. When you stare at a TV that’s not even turned on because you don’t feel like turning it on
14. You put your lighter in your mouth and try to light it with your bowl. (true story)
15. When you put sentences together like George Bush
16. When your friend tells you to roll another blunt, and half an hour later you wonder why no one’s smoking
17. When you go to Wendy’s and pass out with your face in your french fries
18. When you decide its a good idea to moon a police officer
19. When everything is just a little too funny
20. When walking to your kitchen seems like an epic journey
21. When you start to do one thing, get distracted by another and never even remember that you started the original thing
22. When you wake up still high and rush to work only to realize that this is your day off
23. When you fall asleep 5 minutes after starting a movie
24. When you stop at a stop sign and wait for it to turn green
25. When you load a bowl without dumping the ash out of the last one, you cant pull a hit, and fuck up a bowl of good weed having to dump out a half burning bowl and watch it crumble into black powder
26. You spend 30 minutes searching for something and then realize that it was in your hand all along
27. You pour anything but milk into your cereal
28. Someone says hi to you and you reply 45 minutes later because you just realize what they said
29. You drive 40mph on the highway
30. You drive 10mph on the street
31. When you get excited because you beat your dog in a staring contest
32. When you call to order a pizza, wait 2 hours and realize that you never actually ordered it
33. When it takes you 10 minutes to figure out how to operate a seat belt
34. When you go grocery shopping and the only thing you buy is pop rocks, nerds, and every single wonka candy you find
35. When you just can’t stop coughing
36. When you forget to put water in the bong
37. When your bong is taller than your dog
38. It takes you 25 minutes to roll a joint
39. When the Taco Bell employees know you by name
40. You’re eating something on your way home thinking about what you’re gonna eat when you get home
41. When you start stealing friends lighters
42. when you try to leave the house but had to go back in 6 times to individually retrieve your wallet, cell phone, lighter, keys, drink, and hat that you remembered to bring, one at a time
43. You call burger king and ask if they deliver
44. When you try to figure out ways to smoke the roaches
45. When you misplace a 3 foot bong, that you just used
46. When you don’t have anything to drink so you drink the juice from a can of fruit
47. When you think everyone thinks you’re really stoned
48. When you look like this….
49. When you “accidentally” kiss your girlfriends sister thinking it was her
50. You are out of weed so you try chewing on sticks and seeds
51. Spend an hour trying to find a specific DVD only to realize you left it in the DVD player
52. When you enjoy not being able to move
53. When you’ve lost your lighter, again
54. When you start a sentence and then half way through you forget what you were going to say
55. When you swear you see police cars behind you and you haven’t even started the car yet
56. When you forget where you put the rest of the weed or the dutch
57. When you read a blog post and can’t even make it to number 57 in it without getting distracted by the fridge
58. When you get lost in your own house
59. When you have a baggie but no papers so you roll a joint with a page from the phone book
60. When almost any song sounds good to you
61. When you’ll eat just about anything
62. When you change your order at a drive thru like three times and end up with everything you asked for
63. When you can’t say “Say No To Drugs” without laughing hysterically
64. When you spend 4 hours walking 3 big circles around town just to find a good place to smoke more
65. When you forget what you were watching during the commercial break
66. You are late and stoned to everywhere you go
67. When you watch your favorite TV show on mute while you listen to your iPod
68. When you and your friends keep playing a crappy video game because no one feels like switching it
69. When you wake up at 6………………………….. PM
70. When you roll up a blunt, forget about it, and then find it a few days later and wonder where it came from
71. When you cook after getting the munchies and you forget about your find and don’t find it until tomorrow
72. When you get a board game and you are too lazy to read the directions so you make up your own rules
73. When You Wait For 4:20 to hit..And its 4:29 before you realized you were sopposed to smoke 9 minutes ago..
74. You accidentally light your hair on fire instead of the blunt
75. When you are at Jack in the Box and you don’t even remember how you got there
76. You have or know someone who has done more than 20 things on this list
77. You browse our blog every day, you’re our friend on facebook, you follow us on twitter, and you stop in daily to pick up bud & say hi to all of your favorite budtenders: Tino, Chelsea, Daniel, Rebecca and Jaclyn!

Hope everyone has a safe weekend! Stay safe & don’t forget to keep checking back for menu updates & new posts!