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Marijuana Jokes

So, we found a list of Marijuana jokes. I know some of our loyal patients would love this list, so I’m putting it on our blog for everyone to read. Enjoy! And leave your own jokes in the comment section!

Q: Why is the roach clip called a roach clip?
A: Because pot holder was taken
Q: How do you get a one-armed stoner out of a tree?
A: Wave.
Q: What do you get when you eat marijuana ?
A: A pot belly
Q: What do you call a pot smoker with two spliffs?
A: Double jointed.
Q: How do you know when you have smoked enough pot ?
A: When you start looking around for the directions on how to use the lighter.
Q: How do you know your a pothead?
A: You studied five days for a urine test?
Q: What do you call a pothead that doesn’t inhale?
A: Mr. President.
Q: What’s the point of a weed wacker?
A: Weed wackers need to wack it too!
Q: How do fish party ?
A: Seaweed.
Q: Why did the pot head plant cheerios?
A: He thought they were donut seeds.
Q: What do you call a person who remembers what they did at woodstock ?
A: A Liar.
Q: What do you call one bowl between three tokers ?
A: Malnutrition.
Q: What do you call it when a roach ash burns your shirt?
A: A pot hole!
Q: How do you know you are a true stoner?
A: When your bong gets washed more than your dishes!
Q: What is Reality?
A: An illusion caused by a lack of good weed.
Q: What is the difference between a drunk guy and a stoner at a stop sign?
A: The drunk guy runs it and the stoner waits for it to turn green! A stoner called the fire department and said, “Come quick my house is on fire!” The Fireman asked “How do we get there?” The stoner says “DUH, in a big red truck!”
Q: How many potheads does it take to change a lightbulb.
A: Screw it, we got lighters
Q. How long does it take before a pound of bud goes bad?
A. I don’t know! I’ve never had it longer than an hour!
Q: How do you hide pot from a hippie?
A: Put it in his work boots.
Q: What is the difference between politicians and stoners ?
A: Politicians don’t inhale…they just suck.
Q. What do you call a stoner that just broke up with his girlfriend?
A. Homeless.
Q. What’s the difference between a stoner and a tweeker?
A. When a pothead is driving down a road he is driving about 20 mph and eating the upholstery. When a tweeker is driving down a road he is driving about 200 mph, and talking to the upholstery.
Q. If there are two potheads in the back of a car, then who is driving?
A. The cop!
Q. Why did the stoner cross the street?
A. His dealer lived on the other side.
Q: What do a bad football team and a pothead have in common?
A: They both get blitzed!
Q: How do you hide money from a hippie?
A: Put it under the soap.
Q: How many Stoners does it take to change a light bulb
A: Who cares man, its to bright in here anyway!
Q: How did the pothead burn his ear?
A: He answered the phone while ironing his clothes
Q. How do you get an one-armed hippie out of a tree?

How To: Make Pot Brownies!!!

Ingredients:

– A couple grams of weed
– Any type of cooking oil besides olive
– Any basic brownie mix that uses oil
– Grinder (for weed)
– Coffee filter with screen
– Measuring cup
– Spoon/spatula
– Smallish pan
– Brownie pan

The Oil:

  1. Grind your weed to a powder. It’s important that you get it as ground up as possible so the most surface area is exposed. More surface = more cannaboids exposed = you get higher.
  2. Mix your powder weed with your oil. Put in enough so that the oil is able to cover the weed completely when you put it in your pan. The less oil you use, the more potent it is.
  3. Put the mixture into a pan for about 25 – 35 minutes until it’s almost at a simmer.
  4. Let it cool for a few minutes once it’s done. We’re almost done learning how to make weed brownies.

Filtering The Oil:

  1. Grab your filter that I told you to get earlier.
  2. Put your oil through the filter.
  3. Do it again.
  4. Do it a third time. We don’t want any left over weed as there’s no THC left in it and it’s gross if you eat it in brownies.

Baking Process:

  1. Mix in your oil to the brownies.
  2. Go back and mix it in a little more. It’s easy to get it uneven. If it’s uneven, there might be no THC in one brownie and TONS in another. We want them all to be even.
  3. Follow the directions on your brownie package.
  4. Bake your brownies. IMPORTANT: Do not cook your brownies over 325 degrees Fahrenheit no matter what the brownie package says. If you burn the THC, your brownies will be worthless and you will have wasted all your weed.

Why Should I Make Weed Brownies?

1) Weed brownies are delcicious.
2) You can give a weed brownie to someone who thinks it’s a regular brownie. This can be a teacher, parent, friend, or police officer!
3) Eating weed brownies is discreet. You can eat one in public and no one will care, although they may think that you’re fat.
4) Some say that edibles get you higher than regular smoking.
5) Potent weed brownies will glue you to your couch. This can also be a bad thing.

Mark Your Brownies!

I had an interesting experience this weekend. My oven is quite large, so I decided to teach my friend how to make weed brownies while I made regular brownies from scratch. The plan was to eat the weed brownies first, and then if we got the munchies, eat the delicious, from scratch, regular brownies.

Things took a turn for the worse. After 2 weed brownies each (my friend had learned how to make weed brownies effectively) we were stoned out of our minds, which was good.

As you might know, being high sometimes impairs your judgement. We went into the kitchen… and… STARTED EATING ALL THE WEED BROWNIES.

Halfway through the pan, we realized this. Uh oh. We freaked out for a second, then went along for the ride.

Essentially, if you don’t mark your weed brownies after you learn how to make weed brownies, you might eat them by accident. For us, we were in space for about 30 minutes and then literally could not stay awake. We tried getting up and moving around, it was impossible, we needed to crash and sleep. So we did.

We woke up 7 hours later… still high. Edibles last forever, and these seriously destroyed us. The good thing was that we were rested, so we just chilled, listened to music, etc.

We are regular marijuana smokers so we didn’t freak out, but if you are new and are learning how to make weed brownies for the first time, MARK THEM. You will waste weed and get too high if you don’t and eat them by accident.

http://www.howtomakehash.net/how-to-make-weed-brownies.html

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