Posts Tagged ‘post rapture’

A Tribute To The Most Awesome Grow House Ever Made (Pictures inside)

Could a house be any more awesome? It’s a shame these good folks got busted, such a waste of an perfect house. What are the new owners going to grow there, tomatoes?

Stoner Jesus Reacts to the “Coming Rapture”

Many of you have heard about the supposed “end of the world” happening tomorrow. “Preacher” and radio host Harold Camping predicts the coming of the rapture on May 21, 2011.

We decided to get a reaction to this from an authority on religious issues just as credible as Mr. Camping; podcast host Stoner Jesus.

stonerjesusnet 259x300 Stoner Jesus Reacts To The Coming Rapture

“Since the dawn of mankind, people have been predicting the end of the world,” SJ told us from his studio in Northern Kentucky. “Some say prostitution is the world’s oldest profession, but it’s actually con artistry.

“I’m sure Mr. Camping makes a good living from his ‘predictions,’ and far be it from me to begrudge anyone a living,” Stoner Jesus continued, “but no one can predict the future…if we could, I wouldn’t have dumped all that money into the Charlie Sheen tour.

“But if The Rapture does come tomorrow, I’m pretty sure iTunes is available in Heaven, so you’ll still be able to hear my show.”

Good news for Stoner Jesus fans indeed. And for fans of The 420 Times, your Sunday “United State of Weed” will come as scheduled…for those of you left to read it.

Post-Rapture Marijuana Growing Tips With Jorge Cervantes

Are you a nice atheist or jewish grower of the “devil’s weed” — and have some fears about growing in a post-Rapture world?

Flames, earthquakes, hell on earth — yikes!

In an effort to help growers not partaking in this Saturday’s Rapture — we felt the need to give out some advice from the top growing expert in cannabis, Jorge Cervantes.

So, Jorge, what kind of problems are we going to have with the world on fire, including everyone for that matter?

High heat is a problem. Any infernal temperatures are smoking! Maybe that is what it is about smoking, converting cannabinoids to their psychoactive non-acid state.

Is indoor growing going to be something that everyone will have to do post-rapture?

Probably not. Oxygen is necesary for human life, and plant life for that matter. There is so much CO2 that will be generated it could be the end for humanity. Somebody has a plan, probably Donald Trump. Ask him he always knows what to do.

Since God created cannabis, does Jesus have a special place for those that grow?

Of course, he is the one that multiplies fish and teaches fishing! We think the same about cannabis! In Spain we have San Canuto, the patron saint of cannabis. Jesus is definately front row center of the cannabis oil anointment crew.

What kind of preventative steps should those believing that the Rapture is coming?

I think I would stash as many seeds as possible, collect about 50 kilos of great hash and four times as much cannabis. Then I would sit it out and stay cool, probably in a NSA basement.

And for those that plan on being Rapture-ized?

Tell them to give you everything they have. they won’t need it after Saturday.

For those still interested in learning more about growing in a non-rapture world, check out Jorge Cervantes’ website.

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